Testimony 06  - Bryan

"A Word of Encouragement on Your Journey Through Recovery"
 

Dear Brothers,
 

I know at times when you are first beginning to deal with the issue of P&M and sexual addiction, it can often be discouraging. I have only heard of only a couple of people who were instantly delivered from their acting out, for others it is a process. Remember we did not get in this situation over night. Many have spent 10, 20, 30 or more years of regularly acting out in a manner that brings guilt, shame, distances you from God and others.

It has cost you time, money, sleep, productivity and your health. I know I have been there. I love what Tony (the moderator of this group) say's it is progress and not perfection. This is not a cop out to continue acting out, but just stating how it is for most people in recovery from this addiction. You did not get here over night, so brothers take a deep breath, grab a hold of God's hand and with His guidance begin taking one step at a time.

There is a lot of wisdom here at this group, but it will do you no good if you do not begin applying it. The goal of this group is to see you healed, delivered restored, and brought into right relationship with God. I began this journey of healing almost 3 years ago, and am not the same person I was when I began. I am no longer a sinner who sometimes gets it right, I am a saint who sometimes sins, but I am no longer bound by sin. Jesus has broken the chains and the cycle that once bound me to almost daily acting out.

People always ask, well does healing from this begin from the inside out, or the outside in. The answer is both. God can and does use both internal and external changes to assist in the process of breaking the sin/wallow in sin/repent cycle. I know for me I have more strength to face temptations when I ardently pursue a daily quiet time with the Lord. I know that as I drink of the living water of Life, I don't want to drink from the broken cisterns of P&M.

I also know that there are places that I cannot go, and I don't know if I will ever be able to go there, so God has given me wisdom to put boundaries in my life. Boundaries are safeguards to protect me, I know I cannot go on an unfiltered computer, so I use Cleanweb as my ISP, but knowing that I try to go around filters. 

Another boundary I have is http://www.covenanteyes.com which lets my accountability partner know what I am doing on line at all times. I also know that I have legitimate sexual needs... that being the case I know God has given me a beautiful wife to meet those needs. Instead of running to another, I need to work at building my relationship with my wife inside and outside the bedroom, in fact God is showing me that I am to love my wife as Christ loves the church.

I am learning to deal with life a little differently, these past few years. I used to try to be the lone Ranger and handle everything myself... (way too hard). Now I am learning to ask for help. I am learning to seek counsel, and talk about my problems and burdens with God and another human being regularly. For me stress was one of the major reasons I would act out, at least it was a big trigger, now I need to realize I shouldn't take on too much at a time. I am also realizing that I need to take care of my body by exercising regularly in a safe environment.

Be encouraged brothers, God will take this very destructive addiction and use it for good. He will take your very weakness, and use to to draw you to Himself. He will use it to teach you to walk a different way. So do not ever give up. If you fall get back up. Talk with a brother that can work through why you are continuing to fall in the same area.

Remain teachable, remain transparent, remain humble and be obedient to what the Holy Spirit tells you to do. There is light at the end of the tunnel on this thing. Do not give up, God is healing His people, God is rebuilding the broken walls in our lives.

Blessings on each of you,

Bryan