Testimony 10  - Chris P

 My Testimony

(Psalm 107: 18-21)

"Their soul abhorreth all manner of meat; and they draw near unto the gates of death. Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and] he saveth them out of their distresses. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them] from their destructions. Oh that men] would praise the LORD for] his goodness, and for] his wonderful works to the children of men".

I was born in Brooklyn in 1960, one of 4 children, my father was a schoolteacher and an alcoholic, because we always rented our family moved over 7 times, my father was an alcoholic, and my mother struggled to hold the family together. At about 13 years old, I started viewing p, and m. 3 years later my father died, and by that time, I started smoking pot, viewing p, going to rock concerts, and hanging out on the streets dealing drugs.

I got more heavily involved in drugs, and my friends and I started visiting houses of prostitution. I believe I was trying to hide the pain of not having a father figure around. My mother during this time had several nervous breakdowns, but I believe the Lord helped her to provide money and shelter for all of us at this difficult time in our life. Every day I would drift more and more away from my family, and more in the world of drugs and rock and roll. I remember spending all my paycheck to go to a Led Zeppelin concert. I got involved in homosexuality, and I sold my body for money on the streets of New York.

I was a reckless young confused person. One time when I was high with my friends, I got my front teeth knocked out, but I did not care, I got a bridge, and kept partying. Another time, I took money at a bar, but I did not realize it was owned by Hells Angels, well they beat me senseless, The Lord spared my life. Angels were fighting tooth and nail for me. I went to college in Long Island, and got high a lot with the kids on campus, and slept around a lot with girls. I did not respect myself, and had a very low self esteem problem.

One day when I was home from college, I was in a gym hitting a heavy bag, and a young guy came up to me and said, “Do you know about Jesus”, and after talking to me, gave me the gospel of John, and invited me to church. The next day, the preacher gave the altar call, and I accepted Jesus as my savior. I was so happy I started witnessing at 5am in the morning to people. Things started changing little by little in my life. I started to get involved in street evangelism which I am still involved in.

It is amazing how the Lord can take someone from the streets, and put him back on the streets preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. I met a girl at church and we started dating. She would send me notes, and express her feelings for me, but I could not accept it due to my own low self esteem. I did not really know how to love. Another big reason is that I was involved with porn, and had such a distorted concept of what I wanted in a woman. I did not understand love. We dated on and off for about 3 years, and my family did not like her because she was a Christian, and they thought she was brainwashing me.

I finally decided after 3 years, that I was going to marry her regardless of what my family thought. Still I continued to struggle with p and m and fantasy. I got my first job in 1982, and I finished my bachelors degree in NY, In 1990, I decided to leave my company for another, because I wanted to expand my knowledge. What I did wrong in leaving, is I worked with an agency that forged my resume, and got a new job based upon my lies, most of them anyway.

It took a while but my new employer caught on to me, and after about 1 1/2 years, I got fired. I went into a major depression. I was unemployed my wife was pregnant, and I was falling fast. For a time I could not even read the bible, and one day, I came home and no-one was there, and I cried out, in my mental state, I thought my family left me, I screamed out Lord help me, and I picked up the bible, and the first verses I went to were from Psalm 107, the psalm of deliverance. My wife and I about 3 months prior had met two pastors, husband and wife from New Jersey. Little did I realize the part that they would play in my deliverance.

We called them and I started counseling with them, they taught me and my wife about spiritual warfare. They saw things in me that had to go, and at one point they said to me, you are in love with your private parts, and also they said, you have to choose life. After 3 months of intense counseling with them, the Lord opened a door for a job, and the first day, I realized my Freedom in Christ, and I was so happy.

In fact the ministry that the two pastors run is called Freedom in Christ Ministries, and they are on the web at www.freedominchristchurch.org  - My family had a big argument with me and my wife, and we did not talk for 2 years. I was the first person saved in my family and I indeed understood what Jesus said that a man’s enemies will be those of his own household. Yet I had to make the choice to say yes to my Lord, and to my wife and family.

It hurt deeply that we did not speak to one another, and their was much witchcraft involved in my family all because I know now that the Lord was setting me and my wife apart for future ministry. We had a prophecy spoken over us that we would be involved in marriage ministry. I was still dabbling in soft core porn, and m. At this point my marriage made a dramatic change, and I started to look at my wife in a whole different way, as a woman of beauty, outside and inside.

She noticed the difference, but I still at times was in bondage to p & m, and fantasy. About 3 years later, I suffered a breakdown due to job stress. I worked in the telecommunications field and I was on call a lot. I was hospitalized twice, the second time, before I went into the hospital, I went on a p & m and drinking binge for a whole day in Manhattan, I went to strip clubs, and I could have been killed. The Lord indeed showed mercy to me.

After I started realizing my sin, I repented, and my life changed dramatically at home, and at the job, I took a job in a less stressful position installing computer software, which is the job I am currently in. I started paying attention to my role as the man of the house, and my wife and children noticed the change in me. The Lord was transforming me slowly as I was opening my heart to him. My self esteem started to improve, and I really got involved in men’s ministry at church, and going to men’s fellowship.

My wife and I started a marriage ministry at church which bore much fruit. All this time, I was still struggling with Internet porn, and at times losing the battle. Last year at work, I got called in the office, and my boss informed me that I was being warned about my viewing Internet porn on the work network. Thankfully, I did not get fired, but this was my wakeup call. About a week before this happened, a friend of mine, who I knew a long time, told me about a class he was starting called "Every Mans Battle", and he wanted me to come every week, it was an 8 week course.

After being called in the office, later at home it was time to face my wife, and tell her the news, it devastated her, and I knew I had to make a dramatic step. I told her I would be starting the class, and she was not sure of anything at that point. She was tired of the same old problem of porn, without any radical change.

It affected our bedroom, and our marriage. Well I started attending the class, and week by week, 3 of us in the class went though the lessons on repentance, triggers, techniques to fight against sexual sin, and a host of other topics, things really changed regarding the area of purity. I was part of the Email group Freedom In Christ at work. My wife saw a definite change in me, and it reflected in how I treated her. My habits changed whenever I was in candy stores, walking past newsstands, things I would never think about like bouncing my eyes whenever an attractive woman would pass I started doing. The Bible says we are a peculiar [unique, to be different than the world's pattern of destructive thoughts, see Romans Chapter 12, verse 1-2] people, and know I understand why.

After the course completed my friendship with the moderator of the group grew, and we did a TV show on local cable and the topic was sexual purity. We then decided to start a weekly accountability group, and we have about 8-10 men that come out every week, and we discuss the core issues of sexual purity every week, we have assigned accountability partners so we can check up on one another. I just started an "Every Mans Battle" class at my job, and there are about 4 of us in the group,

I am currently going for a master’s degree online, and I am very much involved in my 2 son’s lives. My boys are 13 and 9 and my commitment is to see them walk in sexual purity. This is one of my favorite scriptures. Blessed is the man who walks in his integrity, his sons shall be blessed after him. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful wife who has been the most supportive godly woman I know. She put up with me!!!

I sing in a church choir in Manhattan every other Wednesday, we are two blocks from Ground Zero, and in so many ways the Lord has been using me, in different ministries, as I keep yielding to him. Teaching other men about being a man of purity has become my greatest desire in ministry; the devil is such a liar. My mom passed away about 2 years ago, and I am estranged from my brother and sister, (my other brother lives in Florida and I speak to him occasionally).

I could have said more but I did my best to share my heart. Praise the Lord for his faithfulness, his mercy, and his grace. It is such a joy to share this testimony to show how the Lord can work in a believer’s life, He has made me the man I am today, the husband, the father, and friend. I love him so much, and I cannot wait to see him.
 

Signed: Chris P.