Testimony 12  -

 Earle's Testimony


I was going to tell a brother about this personally. But I feel the need to tell the group. Years ago, when I was a sailor, I met this woman in Marseilles, France. We feel in love. There wasn't any sex involved for a long time. The feeling was almost instant with her. I knew I was in love, and probably for the first time. The ship left, and we went to other ports. We wrote a lot.

A few months later, we went back to Marseilles for just a few days. I pressured her to have sex with me. Insisting that we should, since we wouldn't see each other for quite a while. And she finally gave in to my pleading. After the cruise was over, she wrote to me and told me she was pregnant. I was actually very happy about it. I dreamt about a life with her and our child. The person I loved more than anyone in the world....I was willing to do anything. It permeated my thoughts all day and everyday. I couldn't wait to get out of the Navy and move to France somehow, to be with my new family one day.

Then not long after, she told me that she had a miscarriage. But, I could tell from the tone of her voice that it wasn't actually a miscarriage.....She finally confessed to me that under pressure from her mother, he had an abortion. I was so distraught and angry, so misunderstanding and judgmental. I cut it off right there and told her I didn't want to talk to her again. But more than that, I was hurt deeply.

Not long after that, I had this dream....an incredible realistic dream. The kind you only have once in a lifetime. A nightmare. I dreamt I was buried alive. I could see the dirt covering me. It was so dark, and I couldn't move. Then I began suffocating. When I was awakened, by 2 or 3 friends (who shared this sleeping area with me)....It was really like being snatched out of one reality, and put into another world. I couldn't express how real this seemed to me. It bothered me for a long time. I was screaming out loud when I was awakened. (This was like 2 or 3 days after I got the news of the abortion).

A day or so after this dream, it was still bothering me. Then it hit me hard...I got this feeling that what I was really experiencing, was a part of me. That part of me that had been aborted. I know this might sound crazy, but it's true....I really feel that I was there in that grave, or that landfill...where they buried my son or daughter to be. (I vividly remember in this dream, of something pushing dirt over me. Like a bulldozer?). Whether or not anyone wants to believe that this actually is the case doesn't matter. The point I'm making is that if I had waited, and not given into my lust...(do I have to point it out?). So many things may have been different.

A young lady wouldn't have felt the fear of raising a child alone (her mother convinced her that i wouldn't come back). My first child wouldn't have lost its life before it really began. She wouldn't be living with that guilt now. I wouldn't have it on my heart so heavy....We might be together now and happily married.....It's lust with no regard to love and caring, and not doing it God's way, that leads to abortions, STDs, broken families, broken hearts. I've prayed for forgiveness for this, but it still breaks my heart to think about it.

We all need to pray, And I myself am praying, not just for ourselves/myself...but for those whose lives our selfish desires may have deeply scarred. That God will show compassion, and erase the hurt and pain we may have caused...and for possibly leading a soul away from Christ instead of to him. We were all doing Satan's work, without our awareness maybe, but now lets do God's work and bring souls to Jesus!

Amen.

Earle