Testimony 19  - Scott.

A Kingdom Runner

A broken leg in the summertime can mean the end of the world to an eight-year-old boy. Yes, this was my mentality as I just finished breaking my left leg while riding a friends’ bike. I remember how bad I had broken my leg and all the pain involved. I remember my father picking me up and placing me in a bathtub of hot water because he thought my leg was only sprained only to find out 2 days later that it was broken. I hate having to re-live this but it’s necessary so that God’s healing can take place. Here I am, years later only to find that this was one of many reasons for resenting my father. Anyway, I have a much better reason for writing this article so try to stay with me along the way.

Well, let me tell you, having a cast on my leg for about 6 months was not my idea of fun. I couldn’t go out to play with friends, nothing but hanging around the house driving my mom crazy because of boredom. Then after my 6-month “prison term” was up, I was happy once again, although my left leg was about half the size of my right leg. I couldn’t get used to that, even though the Dr. told me that over time, my leg would regain it’s shape and fullness.

My Dad used to go running and I remember one day going up to the track with him. This was probably about 4-6 months after I had my cast taken off. I started walking around the track but when I saw my Dad running, I wanted to run too. So I started jogging slowly. I immediately fell in love with running, especially since I saw how my leg was beginning to develop and shape up. No more “peg-leg” for me! I remember after training for a couple of months, I competed in a race and coming in 2nd place. I was so excited.

For the next 4 years, I kind of put running on the back shelf. My relationships with my parents weren’t that great. I figured it was because I was becoming a teenager, you know…it’s not cool for a teenager to have a great relationship with his parents. I never felt affirmed by my father since he favored my younger brother. My mom also favored my brother but I now know that affirmation cannot come from a woman figure. In my freshman year of high school, I decided to join the track team and make a comeback. Subconsciously, I was also crying out for affirmation and thought that finally my Dad would affirm me. If they could see my physical accomplishments, my parents would finally accept me. I remember my mom coming to a few track meets but I never saw my Dad at one. I always wondered where he was and what he was doing that he couldn’t even make my track meets. At this point, I was already knee deep in pornography since I had found my Dad’s videotape stash, plus a whole lot of pornographic magazines. Now I knew what my Dad was up to but I never gave that much thought to it. What’s he doing with these videotapes and magazines? He’s married.

Well, I ran throughout my high school years but I never saw my Dad at a meet. I retired my track shoes by the time I was a senior. What good was any of this if my Dad didn’t want to come to see me run? This time, I would stop running for good…or so I thought. Deep inside me, I felt that churning…the desire was still there but I pushed it away. I used to go and visit my alma mater when after graduating since my brother attended the same high school. He decided to join the track team so I used to come down after I finished with my College classes and hang out with the team. I used to see them run but figured there was no point in my running. What would I run for? What was my purpose for running a race?

After graduating college, I entered the real world where I learned about stress and the everyday hustle and bustle. I entered “the rat race” as it’s called. How would I cope with everyday life? I have no outlet, no way to blow off steam in a healthy way. God had a plan for me because I was saved at the age of 22. I didn’t know back then, but I figured there had to be something more to life so why not give God a chance? Things still weren’t great in my life, my parents were divorced, my sexual addiction skyrocketed, and I had no friends. Writing this stirs up many feelings but I know that God is still healing them today. I thought, “Hey maybe I’ll start running again. Wait…why bother? Who will you be running for? No one is there to pat you on the back or affirm you?” This time, I was determined to get back out there even though I really didn’t feel like it. I bought a new pair of running shoes and hit the road. Wow, it felt really good although I paid the price for taking all those years off. Still, little by little I began building myself up again. This was my comeback but something was still missing…or should I say, Someone?

I joined a local running club and became friendly with some of the runners. I started training harder and my times had shown it. I liked the attention I was getting from other runners but yet it still wasn’t enough. After my “peak” and “valley” performances, I saw who was and who wasn’t a true friend. There are people out there who will only like you for your performance and if it’s not consistent, they want nothing to do with you. So, I started running on my own again, doing it for me instead of trying to “run after someone’s affirmation”.

Here I am at the age of 35, in better shape than I was at 21. This year I finally figured out that all the while, I was running from myself, running away from God because I thought of Him in the same way I thought of my earthly father. Now, when I go running, I ask my Heavenly Father to come running with me. He’s even interested in the “running part” of my life. He’s even using me to share my faith with other runners. It’s been a slow process but I’m trusting Him and seeing the fruits of it. Now, when I do my early Sunday morning trail runs with my new running club, they say to me, “Don’t forget to pray for us when you’re in Church.” My response is, “I always do”…I now know that all the while I was being prepared as a “Kingdom Runner”.

I’d like to include some scriptures that have really inspired me:

1 Corinthians 9:24-25 – “Remember that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize. You also must run in such a way that you will win. All athletes practice strict self-control. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.”

Hebrews 12:1 – “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.”

2 Timothy 4:7 – “I have fought a good fight, I have finished the race, I have remained faithful.”

In closing, I’d just to encourage you to do things for the right reasons. If your father has never affirmed you, remember that Your Heavenly Father affirms you, not because of what you do, but because of who you are.

May God bless you and give you strength to run the race that is set before you.

In Christ and the battle with you all,

Scott